When I was younger, adults often asked me; “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And I answered, truthfully, “An eagle.” Now, when they ask and I give that still truthful answer, they say; “No, no, not in your fantasy. You will be a woman when you grow up. What do you want to be as a woman?”

I have thought about this, partly because of these questions, and I’ve looked as carefully as I can at the important women in my life. My teacher says there are moments of joy, moments of despair, and always a feeling of frustration.  I know much more of mom’s life, and it breaks my heart to hear that muffled sob when she doesn’t think anyone can hear. I love my grandma, but she’s not a woman, she’s an old woman, and she doesn’t talk much about that part before being old.

So people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and my secret answer is, if I can’t be an eagle I’m not sure I even want to grow up.

“Sometimes you have to imagine the past,”
my mother said, and we closed our eyes and smelled
pungent wild garlic growing along the banks.    Edward Hirsch

George's selection of 66 Phlogs is available in print from People's Press.

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